grocery stopping

I was asked to sign a petition outside of the grocery store. And I was like, "only if it's for a cause that’ll let me bother you when you’re voting."

CHINK IN THE ARMOR

Currently in development at e-quipped productions:

"CHINK IN THE ARMOR"

Synopsis
After misinterpreting a speech by his leader Ghengis Kahn, ancient asian warrior Chin Kee time-travels on a mission "to expand the Mongolian Empire for the future of mankind". He lands in modern day Washington DC and is part of a mix-up that finds him chauffeuring the "man" he needs to conquer--Presidential Elect Harlan Cole. Hilarity ensues as both go to great lengths to hide a chink in their armor: Cole is a transvestite, and Chin can't drive!

Attached to star
Jackie Chan as Chin Kee
Venus Williams as President Harlan Cole
Bob Hope (archive footage) as Ghengis Kahn

Pitch
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure meets Taxi Driver meets Driving Miss Daisy meets Mrs. Doubtfire meets Manchurian Candidate meets Being There meets Transamerica meets Speed

Working title
A.E.T.T.D.A.O.M.D.S.M.C. (An Excellent Transamerican Taxi Driving Adventure of Mrs. Daisy's Speedy Mongolian Candidate)

The Number 23 - coincidence?

The world spins on an axis of 23 degrees.
Caesar was stabbed 23 times.
Kurt Cobain was born in 1967 and died in 1994. 1+9+6+7=23 and 1+9+9+4=23.
The invasion of Iraq began on 3/20, 2003 at 2:30
The date 9/11/2001...9+11+2+1=23
2 divided by 3 =.666…
The Hiroshima bomb was dropped at 4:19. 4+19=23
Director Joel Schumacher is responsible for at least 23 shitty movies.

britney shears

Esther Tognozzi, owner of the salon where Britney Spears shaved her head, is selling Spears' hair on eBay. Tognozzi is selling other items that Spears left behind at the salon including a lighter, a can of red bull, and the last shred of her dignity.

vice precedent

ESPN is always broadcasting the World Series of Poker. And I'm sorry, but poker is NOT a sport. Poker is gambling, and gambling is a vice. What vice centered event is the next big thing? E-quipped Productions is working on some ideas to pitch to ESPN:

The Superbowl of Chain Smoking
World Cup of Booze
Prostituition 500
US Open Relationship
Recreational Drug Derby (the White Pony always wins, by a nose)

Carlos "Menstealia"

"Comedian" Carlos Mencia has long been labled as a joke thief. I think he's been lifting the wrong bits because his act has never been funny to me. Carlos is so Mexican that he's too lazy to steal good jokes.

At any rate, comedian Joe Rogan finally confronted Mencia this week at the Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip. As expected, someone in the crowd caught the footage, and even edited a 5 minute video completely exposing Carlos "Menstealia".

rome wasn't burned in a day

ROME (AP) -- Reacting to the fatal attack on a policeman last week during a soccer riot, the Italian Cabinet approved measures Wednesday that could force soccer teams in the nation's top leagues to play in empty stadiums.

CHICAGO (AP) -- U.S. Major League Soccer teams that play in empty stadiums will employ Post-Game Riot promotions to help boost attendance this upcoming season.

one small step for women

Astronaut Lisa Nowak drove for 1,000 miles wearing a diaper to avoid any bathroom breaks on her trek to confront and kidnap a romantic rival. That is my kind of woman--14 hours of driving and not one pee-stop. Take note ladies, because the bar has been raised.

survey

In a recent Forbes survey, 40 percent of teens say they’ve recently come across nudity and pornography on the internet. The same survey reported that the other 60 percent of teens have not recently been on the internet.

purple reign

CBS chose Prince to be the SuperBowl halftime performer, which took some guts, given the high probability of a gender malfunction.

omniPOTence paradox

Can God create a stoner so lazy that even God can't move--from the couch.